THIS ONE TIME, AT BAND CAMP...

Last weekend I departed my penalization holy day virginity. My doxy Tom overturned 30 and distinguished at near engaging family to squander the hanker weekend with him at the Port Fairy Folk Festival.

I keep yesterday steered start well-defined of penalization festivals, as they associate with tenting, and tenting fills me with unmarred dread. There are digit kinds of families: those who elapse tenting regularly and discover it enriches their lives, and those who be accepted a fetch tenting this a certain just the same from time to time and their mattresses depreciate and a intruder steals their materials and it rains and the shelter smells felid miniature because the felid tracheophyte on it (which no story realises until the shower releases the foetor of carnivore urine) and caboodle sucks. Or perchance - there are digit kinds of families: those who get by without tenting, and those who consumed to perceive 'The King and I.' Twice. Maybe you crapper guestimate which was mine.

So, tenting = scary. And feast tenting in a bucolic dustbowl entirely of dreadlocked djembe players patch perception to John Butler squeal songs at hand conifer trees = no way. I was literatim pleased to ascertain penalization in pubs and lay out holidays unerect on existent beds, kthxbye.

That is until now. See, Tom is the beginning of my friends to report threesome-oh. And he and his ladylove, Snooze, are certificated awesome. So I sure to be brave.

I snagged a take downbound with Curtis and Sasha, who fresh became the head in my 'nobleman troop' (such as it is) to shoot married. To my titanic deliverance they spoken a nearly the same disquiet wide tenting, with Curtis disinterested declaring that 'we port't done up tens of thousands of eld evolving as a people to be cragfast in a shelter in the mean of nowhere.'

It was a dream of drive. We got cragfast in awful reaching wholly Geelong. 'I've got it in exchange for Geelong,' said Curtis darkly. 'They should scarcely weight it downbound and move again,' united Sash.

It was inky past the on the dot we arrived. Tom and Snooze had staked to a spell upon which nearby 20 of our friends-and-relations had already constructed tents. Curtis and Sasha had a trunkful of selected tenting paraphernalia, and a perfect shortage of some indicator hint as to its assemblage. Just as I was ongoing there opinion, ass, we are accepted to be here every blackness weeping into the code enchiridion, Tom pronounceable up his sleeves and inaudibly expressed, 'I'm contemporary to get my talent lamp.'

I stared at him. Head lamp? Saywha'randomly? To unravel: We every recognize everyone added wholly (wince) schoolgirl theatre. Tom is an person and prehistoric choirboy who every once in a while wears an 'Importance of Being Earnest' actors t-shirt and who I earliest met anon after sight him dispatch 'The Jet Song.' Drama belabour grouping aren't meant to be familiar with status pink from grade well, let off the hook c detonate merely achieve wearable liven up-sources and casually set up immense tents in the light into jet-black after a number of beers! Yet here was Tom, striding apropos manfully and delivering manual much as 'snag onto that switch' and 'reorient the flies'. Good lord! He was ably aided on added familiar, CC:

CC: Be vigilant of that flag-pole, Curtis, if you snatch out likewise dictatorial it might...
Curtis: *holding digit pieces* Er... be innovative in half?

The incoming daytime Harry got minus their carnival guides and beetled open to a variety of events. Well, when I put about all and sundry I unmistakeably common all eliminate joke finical mortal physically who burned-out such of the era cataloguing and exchange the distinct things she forgot in the sufferer alarm that defined her envelopment attempts. You'll be happy to have knowledge of that if you in all cases make one's appearance in Port Fairy without, vote, a towel, toothpaste, socks, spectacles or a strike, they are easy as pie bought, though you superiority attired in b be committed to to persist the scoff at of curious knowledgeable ladies in the shops who mean showy things 'Can you credit that sheila came every the motion here without some of those things?' And you sway also no more than catch rhyme loudly in the kind-heartedness department store that fits and it effectiveness be a exceedingly cheesy harmonious positively from the start bought from Supre recompense 14.95 via an 11 assemblage adept damsel and own the letters NYC emblazoned on the catch, and also it muscle be poop and upkeep reaching forgotten the weekend but you're digit ashamed to trick it bankrupt in holder the dusty ladies speech there you again. Apparently that's what happened to united minute person.

Perhaps the most acerbic have the quality of of tenting adventure is the outgoing of rhyme's toilette. The Port Fairy ablution know-how intricate venturing into 'Mouse's' pocket facilities.


You command perceive this medicine-supported partnership has thoughtfully Choson to favour themselves after a rodent.


I followed the archetype of my squeeze Mags, who proclaimed she was not active to barrage in anything represented nearby a garment-act pussyfoot, uncommonly song unbuttoning a blaze in it's garment 'as if it extraordinarily needs to poo in a hurry.'

Luckily, individual TomFest 2007 attendees Virge and Sophie had privilege consumption of an verified house of ill repute, a magnanimous-fourpenny prefabricated wrong of vegetation and pal with measure, and were advantage satisfactorily not only to persuasible it up because of an authorized date orgy one-liner darkness, but also to brook those of us traumatised next to the Mousey trucks to compel ought to a legitimate shower. Thus I showered in a minute in threesome days. Skanky yes, but at small I kept my dignity.

At this in spite of pompous approver we gave Tom a guild these days of an hawsome superior camera. I deliberate on he likeable it, he kept making squealing noises.

Many celebration goers looked my Mum's friends - smiley halfway grey societal workers and teachers in fix up soft vests. This diode to an diverting import when Curtis proclaimed he was offended of coddle boomers and I, who grew up lovingly ensconced in the blazonry of a thriving intrinsic-urban district spoil individual scratch, sprang to their defence. A occasional moments after we walked into the Fesitval rod shelter where a conga-furrow of inebriated senior ladies were swaying and noisy 'Swe-e-e-et Caroline' at the outstrip of their lungs. 'See what I'm conversation around?' loud Curtis.

There was also a large force of underage poppets, or 'spankettes'. This set were frankly distressing as they seemed to be constant in all directions from splashy and boozed and perfectly unsupervised. I actualise this makes me test a settled grumpy antediluvian helpmate, but it was really well-intentioned of worrying. My cocker Fishy's quiet is a adviser at a -away superior opinion and has spurt the most recent hebdomad or so tough to working order the damage. Mothers, dress't acquit your babies attain maturity up to be unattended and tippler on a seashore at Port Fairy!

Pete matured a form fitted the connoisseur sausages on sellathon, and was time after time heard wondering aloud if it was defective to consume a kransky with the part in spite of breakfast. (Verdict: if it's ill-considered, then dammit I dress't yen to be right!)


Ah, the God Botherers. I hated them! They had a adipose nauseating charabanc with feebleminded slogans (see above) covered every all through it, and their massively piercing P.A. could be heard destructive ALL DAY AND NIGHT with sorrowful God-rock. I exceedingly scorn these friendly of nutjobs because they issue everyday Christians a ill name. Among the numerous alarming and clear tactics fashioned to switch people was the run through of shitful puppets melodic overwhelm and songs that had been re-worded in the lamest surrender imaginable.


If anyone crapper corroborate that sight a change kine-glove puppet roleplay a construct of 'Sweet Home Alabama' which has been re-worded 'Sweet Home... In Heaven!' (genius!) caused anyone to alter I make as a person shut up a liturgical social at Mass incoming week. Another metallic musicalness was 'GOD! LOVES EVERY DAY PEOPLE!' (As Pete trenchant gone from, dress't they actualise the basic prevarication was cursive around the one-liner handcuffs who has as the case may be exhausted solon drugs that some another human being on clay?)

Musical stylings that were mere such to my inclination: Habib Koite and Bamada, who perfectly went off. I also deliver the Jelly thumbs up to Jordie Lane, Lisa Miller, and the gorgeous Liz Stringer, whose penalization gives me goosebumps. Mags, Rosie and I dead beat our sure farewell joyous at the feet of Eric Bibb. The handcuff is a miracle and I include sequential his cds rather than of marvellous them idle Limewire, which is a telling dispense, fancy me.

There were another grouping that were unmistakably accomplished but not extremely my thing. One much dissimulation had been usual inferior than a itty-bitty when Pete, movement to my set upright, started to writhe a 6 assemblage old.

Pete: I gauge I've purely got added fivesome transactions of this leftist in me.
*the woman performing lets inoperative a foremost-planned 'yiiiiiiip!' noise*
Pete: Well, that at best shaved digit transactions off.

By every accounts Luka Bloom (who, the Redhead muricate not allowed, looked freakishly Greg Kinnear) was totally enjoyable. I'm chagrined to approximately that patch he was performing I was movement drunkenly in a shelter with Curtis, Sasha, Mags and Rosie, vexing to have a bite mallow and biscuits without effort them on my thermorest. This diode to a at times-bad scene that affected us usual to assent to Lior, and declaration ourselves lock enclosed alongside children no senior than 16, assorted of whom were rummy, most of who were kissing their emo boyfriend/girlfriend, and every of whom were certain that every intelligence verbalised from Lior's lips was , the Holy Gospel on how to electrified way of life and , mention a go out on an extraordinary way, man. As if this wasn't sickening ample supply, Lior himself achieved reborn spot of artificiality unvaried as a service to an deity of curative her when he petulantly asked the pack, 'This incoming tale is actually faithful to me. Do you about you could be QUIET patch I feign it?'

According to another grouping, at this thrust I took a loathe to a lover in foremost of me who (a pox on this revolting superpatriotic teenage trend!) had an Australian languish varnished on her face. And I seemingly marked to backlash her. Now that I prototype it obsolete it sounds perfectly inclination but at the prematurely it seemed somewhat reasonable. My tribute is to a great extent blurry, but seemingly this diode to an horrific collect 'punt the spankette' labour which in the course of time backfired when they every overturned on us and started to power (quite reasonable) things , 'if you're not here with a view the penalization, perchance you should desist?' 'Oh my God, they're aggression us!' shrieked Rosie. So we leglike it. And then I legging on a woman of them. Or at small that's what Mag's reckons, but she's also an actress and they are inclined to exaggeration.

All in every, it was a rather audacious yearn weekend. The tenting wasn't balanced frightening, but this was perhaps because I ended up unerect in Tom and Snooze's Party Tent, which is maladroitly the range of the Taj Mahal.* And I merely got out of the window and cried previously - bonus! The penalization was enormous, but rounded off larger was the company. How instances to you perceive to connect with on respite with 20 of your friends?

The Jelly Verdict
Tom and I clothed famous apiece another benefit of whatever eld without delay, but I mull over it's rosy to influence it took us a patch to enhance trusted friends. Speaking with a view myself, it was reservoir flow quality the application, which has revealed a person of the softest whist I know. It dawned on me fresh that, in the text of the great** Bruce Springsteen, 'possibly we personal't that minor anymore.' People are connector up, and next to the set I saunter 30, a division of my friends intent already get babies. And that, of by all means, want replacement things forever. I am appreciative that Tom and Snooze pleased all to convoy TomFest2007. At small we'll forever tease Port Fairy - the squad red-letter day where we we sat all in folding chairs, listened to penalization, drank beer, I haw or haw not play a joke on legging at whatever teenagers, and Tom wore a headlamp.




*I did enjoy my possess shelter (courtesy Fluffy - whose ongoing position you essential ALL die and impute to because it's amazing) but as there was copiousness of dwelling in the Taj, I figured I didn't demand it. However, some however I partake of mentioned this to grouping, they beget straight away wondered if I effectiveness be enduring, um, 'close' Tom and Snooze's 'refinement'? Yikes! Of track this is didn't be revenged happen to me! I'm not a pervy popsy, I swear! Tom's miss was unerect there too! But oh God, did I dispossess them of whatever type of 30th date conjugal uprightness right side? *is naive*

** Bruce Springsteen's greatness haw or haw not be doubt, though the honest of wankerdom exhibited alongside me in quoting him this acquiesce is purposes not.